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Where do you find a partner who understands the profession?

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  • Where do you find a partner who understands the profession?

    Sorry to go all ?cheesy?.

    Getting a cadet ship was an early goal. It was quite difficult for me to get to this stage now without the 'sacrifice' of my social life in the earlier years. From 16, the fun stopped and the exams kicked in and I felt I had no social life. Weekends were spent doing extra revision. Any spare time I had, I was tired and just watched the TV.

    Now at the age of 20, I still feel that this is the case. I have little experience in the relationships field and it worries me.

    How can you find and trust an individual to be loyal, independent and adaptable for those times when you are away at sea?

    Again, I apologise for the unusual deviation.

  • #2
    It's an important point and not cheesy at all.

    First off its normally easier to go with the flow and avoid heavy relationships until you knock over most of your tickets but it never normally happens that way!

    Trust is normally the biggest thing and people who are used to either sea life or military life in the family tend to be more sympathetic to time away. Communication and openness usually help being honest about how much time you are away from the start is vital (don't say I will only do a couple of trips then come ashore if you don't mean it!)

    I met my wife when I was a 3rd mate on cruise ships and she was a purser so she understood and travelled with me a lot as I progressed up the ranks, I think because she understood sea life and understood I wanted to get to Masters level before going ashore it worked.
    Pilotage - It's just a controlled allision

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    • #3
      Hello,

      Nah, I agree with Pilot Chris, not cheesy at all, relationships and how they work are definitely a huge part of life both at sea and at home. It isn't easy for both parties this boat stuff!

      I understand what you mean about social life, when you're at college and it's full on, you maybe miss out on the same aspects as other friends following other opportunities at uni/ straight into work do and then you're at sea and life as you maybe once knew has changed forever, away for long periods and then home with time on your hands while friends you've not seen for months are either working/ busy/ also away at sea.

      But when you say social life, do you mean going out and meeting a partner that way? I think very few people seem to meet their girlfriend/ boyfriend while drunk on a night out, it's usually through shared interests (sports, clubs and so on) through mutual friends, the workplace. If the way you relax is to go home and watch TV there is nothing wrong with that either! You find someone who takes you as you are, faults and all! And in this age of globalisation, there's nothing wrong with meeting people online either.

      Of course it's not easy being away but for the few unhappily married/ divorced seafarers I've worked with I've met far more who are very happily married and have been for years. There are plenty of good, loyal and trustful people out there.

      I also met my partner at work, the times we're apart at sea can be hard but we make it work because we want it to work.

      Don't be so worried, as usual you'll probably meet someone when you least expect and if you're only 20, you're still pretty young, who has experience in relationships at 20! Or ever really...

      Anyways I wouldn't let it get you down too much

      L.

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      • #4
        It seems theirs a dating website for everything else maybe their should be one for seafarers :P

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Lewis View Post
          It seems theirs a dating website for everything else maybe their should be one for seafarers :P
          Maybe a dating section on OC?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Lewis View Post
            It seems theirs a dating website for everything else maybe their should be one for seafarers :P
            uniformdating.com
            Former TH cadet with experience of cruise ships, buoy tenders, research ships and oil tankers

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            • #7
              Not in the least bit cheesy and to be honest a very good question, many young people come in to this career and end up in a similar state, there is also the other problem of those who come in later in life and have the "problem" of getting their partners to cope with this massive change in life style.

              The leave is the key do stuff that you like, clubs and the likes meeting new people or any people

              If all else fails there is the internet dating malarky, Mrs Chief 2.0 came about cos I got fed up in my home town, so I join Plenty of fish and just met a few people went on a few dates, talked to others etc etc and it just sort of happened, though if she was any less nautical she would have to have come from the Sahara Desert...but thats another issue

              She initially had no idea what the job entailed, there I was able to go anywhere do anything with her for a full leave at any time, then pfffft gone, only e-mail available until I got home again, initially she could work out how I lived, given I had a nice car (since gone but thats marriage!) and money (ditto!!!) and I appeared to do nothing.....(ok that didnt change!)

              It isnt easy and trust and communication are the keys, as is not rushing it (but I really arent the one to comment on that aspect given I met her in March and married her in november ;0 ) but you get the point, slowly gently and not worrying is the way forward.
              Trust me I'm a Chief.

              Views expressed by me are mine and mine alone.
              Yes I work for the big blue canoe company.
              No I do not report things from here to them as they are quite able to come and read this stuff for themselves.


              Twitter:- @DeeChief

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              • #8
                Originally posted by chris View Post
                uniformdating.com
                Is it odd that I recognized at least three or four folks that I knew on there....
                I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.....

                All posts here represent my own opinion and not that of my employer.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by GuinnessMan View Post
                  Is it odd that I recognized at least three or four folks that I knew on there....
                  Well stop looking in the "Men looking for Men section" and please stop lying about yourself in your profile....

                  It can only be that long if you are measuring from your arse!
                  "Any damn fool can navigate the world sober. It takes a really good sailor to do it drunk." - Sir Francis Chichester.
                  "Waves are not measured in feet or inches, they are measured in increments of fear." - Buzzy Trent

                  "Careers at Sea" Ambassador - Experience of General Cargo, Combo ships, Tanker, Product Carrier, Gas Carrier, Ro-Ro, Reefer Container, Anchor Handlers.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thank you all for understanding.

                    I agree with most of the comments mentioned. I think I will first concentrate on getting the ticket. Relationships can wait – but not for too long. Then again if an opportunity arises, I will just go with it.

                    Originally posted by Pilot Chris View Post
                    First off its normally easier to go with the flow and avoid heavy relationships until you knock over most of your tickets but it never normally happens that way!

                    Trust is normally the biggest thing and people who are used to either sea life or military life in the family tend to be more sympathetic to time away. Communication and openness usually help being honest about how much time you are away from the start is vital (don't say I will only do a couple of trips then come ashore if you don't mean it!)
                    Thankfully, the career has strengthened my characteristics such as communication and reliance which are – if you think about it – essential for a relationship. How strange and useful.

                    The work is hard, but eventually it will pay off. Yes, it is a bit upsetting that other friends at university are having other ‘experiences’ , but I suppose I will have time for that later.

                    Originally posted by laura View Post
                    But when you say social life, do you mean going out and meeting a partner that way? I think very few people seem to meet their girlfriend/ boyfriend while drunk on a night out, it's usually through shared interests (sports, clubs and so on) through mutual friends, the workplace. If the way you relax is to go home and watch TV there is nothing wrong with that either! You find someone who takes you as you are, faults and all! And in this age of globalisation, there's nothing wrong with meeting people online either.
                    Well, I do not go out and get drunk anymore. The only reason I did was to try and meet someone – very bad idea. I will join a club upon returning to college.

                    Originally posted by Chiefy View Post
                    Not in the least bit cheesy and to be honest a very good question, many young people come in to this career and end up in a similar state, there is also the other problem of those who come in later in life and have the "problem" of getting their partners to cope with this massive change in life style.
                    This is a fair comment. I mean you can’t go through a whole load of items checking that they are independent, trustworthy, adaptable etc – but you would like to know this.

                    I suppose I will just let the time pass and wait for 'the moment'. As much as I would wish for it to hurry up, I am in no rush - just desperate .

                    Thanks.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I've always found that when actively looking for a relationship, nothing ever turned up. Then as soon as I decided to concentrate on study/work/just being me, someone turned up in my life! Up until the age of 26, none of my relationships had lasted more than 6 months, I managed a year with the next guy (but was at sea for most of that!) but I've now found Mr Right and we're still going as strong as ever after 3 years!

                      There's no rush, you've got plenty of time and you'll meet many interesting people at sea, try not to appear desperate though, it's a big turn off!

                      Size4riggerboots

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