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  • Cheating at sea

    This is a really sensitive topic but I think it is a valid one.

    How many of you have got wives, girlfriends etc? If so, have you ever felt the urge to have sex when away for long periods of time? Or indeed done so. Do you have any advice on relationships?
    I understand that this is sensitive so I appreciate it if you wanted to remain anonymous.

    Thanks

  • #2
    I belong to a wife, who I met on a cruise ship. She doesn't like the idea of me returning to those ships. On the cruise ships, cheating is fairly common, the temptation is definately there.
    On the cargo ships, it's generally deemed acceptable within the community to rent a lady for the night when in places which can provide that, some partake, some don't, but at the end of the day many wifes probably know it happens, but don't ask questions unless the husband comes back with an STD or two.

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    • #3
      I love this subject!

      First of all in my entire time at sea I had girlfriends some of the time and free as a bird at others. Whilst we went ashore and visited all the usual places, Reeperbahn, 5 Mark Alley, Red light district in Amsterdam amongst many others I never "dipped my wick". It may have been through loyalty (I would like to think so), that I was too tight to spend money on it (you pay more when you are married, trust me!), or fear of catching something (AIDS was just reverberating around the world) or a combination of all three but I was never tempted.

      On my 21st Birthday I was off my face in Port Chalmers in New Zealand and the Agent's Secretary was out celebrating with us. I ended up with her in my cabin, but only because she needed a bed, and when I got home I told my girlfriend of the time what had happened, despite the fact nothing did - and she would never find out, and was totally honest with her. Everyone else on board told me I was nuts to tell her, but it was down to my integrity at the end of the day.

      I have a very strict moral code, and I was always disgusted with the married ones who talked about how happy they were and then "bagged off". We had a Chief Officer who had a "second wife" in Australia. When we hit the Australian coast she would join, and stay on board until we left New Zealand and then she would fly back to Australia. We arrived in Melbourne one trip and his real wife was waiting on the quay. We were all on lookout for his friend to warn her but she waltzed into the bar, where the C/O was sat at the bar, and threw her arms around his neck. His wife was sat in an armchair behind him. She flew home that day!

      This is never about what you can get away with. You all have a choice. If you let the little brain take over from the big brain then you are going to get into trouble at some point. We had a cadet, getting married in 6 months, picked up a bad case of NSU on a last "fling ashore". He ended up signing on for a double header because about 8 doses of antibiotics had not cleared it up. Signing off 2 weeks before his wedding he still had it. I don't know if the wedding went ahead!

      My son has just told us about a run ashore where several people did partake, married ones at that. He was sat there like a scared rabbit in the headlights, (or so he tells us!), but he has a similar moral code to me, so I think he was telling the truth!

      As YM says, cruise ships are all the more tempting and you will no doubt hear all the stories about special ties issued to officers who get 14 women in 14 nights etc. but to be honest I do not sit in judgement of anyone on this, I just want to ask everyone to think of how you would feel if it was done to you?

      "Trust takes years to build, seconds to destroy and a lifetime to repair"

      And if you do ...... "Don't be silly, cover that willy!"

      Ian
      "Any damn fool can navigate the world sober. It takes a really good sailor to do it drunk." - Sir Francis Chichester.
      "Waves are not measured in feet or inches, they are measured in increments of fear." - Buzzy Trent

      "Careers at Sea" Ambassador - Experience of General Cargo, Combo ships, Tanker, Product Carrier, Gas Carrier, Ro-Ro, Reefer Container, Anchor Handlers.

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      • #4
        If you do cheat, you will get caught. In today's world, with email, mobile phones, sexting, Facebook, all those fancy means of electronic communications that bring us closer, you will get caught out. Don't forget, if Facebook brings you and your missus closer, and it brings you and your mistress closer, that's only one degree of separation from both of them getting closer.

        So, if you want to cheat then do so, but remember, you will get caught. It may be a few months, a few years down the line, but it will come back to bite you in the arse. All this 'what happen on tour, stays on tour' and 'if its a different postcode!' stuff just does not apply any more.

        And OP, if you are a long suffering wife/girlfriend, if your man is going to cheat then there's nothing you can do to stop him whilst he is away. I'm afraid that is the harsh reality. You can however work on your relationship beforehand and make it as strong as possible, give him the gypsies warning etc.
        "Crazy like wild wolves threatened by fire, send them all to the bottom of the sea."

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        • #5
          Trust is everything here guys and gals....

          "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were."

          "People ask me why it's so hard to trust people, and I ask them why is it so hard to keep a promise?"

          Before you embark on this life you need to have 100% trust. Whilst you are away, do you think the wife could have a box of OMO in the front window? For those who do not know what I mean, back in the 50s there was a washing powder called OMO. If a wife was on her own she would put a box of OMO on the fence or in the window. It meant "Old Man Out". Who needed mobile phones? Sauce for the goose and all that......

          Personally I prefer:

          "You can't make someone love you, the best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in!"

          Now go and find Rudyard Kipling's "IF", read it, learn it, and you can do yourself no harm in using it as a mantra for life.

          Ian
          "Any damn fool can navigate the world sober. It takes a really good sailor to do it drunk." - Sir Francis Chichester.
          "Waves are not measured in feet or inches, they are measured in increments of fear." - Buzzy Trent

          "Careers at Sea" Ambassador - Experience of General Cargo, Combo ships, Tanker, Product Carrier, Gas Carrier, Ro-Ro, Reefer Container, Anchor Handlers.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you!

            Thank you all for your replies.

            Going on what someone said about cruise ships, is it not frowned upon for cruise ship officers to take people back to their cabin or go to their cabin?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Anonymous User View Post
              Thank you all for your replies.

              Going on what someone said about cruise ships, is it not frowned upon for cruise ship officers to take people back to their cabin or go to their cabin?
              Most companies have a 'no guests in cabins' rule, and some have a 'no one but you in your cabin' rule.

              As always, where there's a will theres a way, and don't forget the 11th commandment.
              "Crazy like wild wolves threatened by fire, send them all to the bottom of the sea."

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              • #8
                I have sympathy with the third world crews that do 12 month contracts, going celebate for that long would be difficult.

                One of the main reasons I see people stop working at sea, is when they meet a new girlfriend and get put under the whip. That's when most people will then look for a job on ferries or offshore doing short contracts of a couple of weeks.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Anonymous User View Post
                  Thank you all for your replies.

                  Going on what someone said about cruise ships, is it not frowned upon for cruise ship officers to take people back to their cabin or go to their cabin?
                  Unless you enjoy dole queue's, do not diddle with the passies!

                  Crew, provided they are up for it and agree, are fair game!
                  I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.....

                  All posts here represent my own opinion and not that of my employer.

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                  • #10
                    Going celibate... no I think you?ll find that very few tread the straight and narrow... there are means... just saying

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by laura View Post
                      Going celibate... no I think you?ll find that very few tread the straight and narrow... there are means... just saying
                      What means?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You really want me to explain? I don?t think you do.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          No no you can explain or demonstrate, it would be very helpful.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by laura View Post
                            You really want me to explain? I don?t think you do.
                            I do....
                            I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.....

                            All posts here represent my own opinion and not that of my employer.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by laura View Post
                              You really want me to explain? I don?t think you do.
                              Yes. Can you explain please. Some annotated diagrams would be useful.

                              Comment

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