Relationships at Sea

[Anonymous Person]

I currently have a girlfriend and we have been together for a while now. Not quite a year but close, we have had a fairly long distance relationship as we are about 3 hours away and see each other 2 or 3 times a month for a few days. We both love each other and want to be together but I know that I wont be able to be there for her when she needs me. Plus, she is also going to University and I dont want her not to have fun because she has a boyfriend that she barely sees.

What should I do? I know that I will be travelling a lot and meeting new people etc, but If I knew someone was waiting for me I wouldn't do anything behind her back.

Has anyone got any experience with long distance relationships and/or relationships whilst at sea?

Thanks

[glider23]

Take a look at recent video @ted http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa0RUmGTCYY . Might give you ideas, because it kinda says that in longrun distance helps.

[size4riggerboots]

I got together with my man while I was doing my cadetship. We'd been mates for a long time, (which is why it's been so easy) and "courted" from afar via fb chat and skype. When I finally got into the same postcode as him there was a 24hr period of giggling, looks and little touches until a mutual friend told us to bloody well get on with it! Anyway, we got a bit of time together when I had breaks from college and in the weeks between trips, and now he's guaranteed at lets two months of me between trips (although he has to put up with me waltzing off to see other friends and family quite often). While I'm away we stay in touch as much as possible using fb chat, phone calls etc. We had a lot more contact when I was on the cruise ships, now I'm working on a ship with much less internet, and we have less contact (although I do have shipboard email) there was a period of about a month when I didn't hear from him, which led to a "Is everything ok?" email from me.... He was just being rubbish!

The key things are trust, trust and trust. And understanding and communication... proper communication mind, you can talk to someone every day and not actually communicate properly.

I, nor anyone else, can tell you what you should do. That's between you and your girlfriend. Have you talked about this with her?

What I can tell you is that it's perfectly do-able, as long as the person is right.

[mak]

Me and my gf have been together for about 5 years after meeting at uni. She's from belgium so for a year we barely saw each other, but it was always great either going over there or her coming back to Scotland. Then she moved nearer but still a good couple of hours away. Again, wasn't the best situation but absence and hearts and all that. Anyway, now that I'm in the MN and she's a geoscientist we both tend to be all over the place a bit! As mentioned above, the point was always talking as much as possible and never forgetting there is someone at home. Obviously a relationship like that always requires more work from both parties but it's worth it.

Always found as well it was doing things just us two that made the difference; going on holiday, going for a walk; going to the pub, anything really as long as it wasn;t all her pals or all mine. Obviously I can't speak for how it used to be but it seems shipboard communication is soooo much better these days that it makes the distance seem less, particularly when you can video skype from the seaman's mission.

TL;DR It'll all be fine, as long as you both put the effort in.

[YoungMariner]

I met my wife on the cruise ships, she's a stay at home Mum and we've there is always a way to balance work and home life. It's easier if you have an understanding partner.

[tlloyd1983]

It can and does work, but it has to be the right person. Both the one going to sea, and the one staying ashore. Good communications are a must. Oh, and the old cliche, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', is true. Trust me, when you're in the middle of a night watch, in the middle of the ocean, you will think about and mentally fornicate with all your exs, and your currents, and your futures.

[bobofinga]

I would agree with the people saying it works if its the 'right person'. Trust is the key , trusting that they wont be doing anything behind your back ... if you don't have trust with your partner sea makes things 100 times worse. Sitting at 2am on watch thinking whats your other half doing will literally tear you apart.

When im working my month away I chat to my girlfriend on WhatsApp which is basically texting but your connected to ships WiFi , I find it very good.

And also at weekends we skype each other .

If your ship has no/poor internet/phones it will be harder.

[Anonymous Person]

Thank you

Hello all,

Thank you very much for all your answers. You have helped me a lot!

Anonymous person

[Unregistered]

It can and does work, but it has to be the right person. Both the one going to sea, and the one staying ashore. Good communications are a must. Oh, and the old cliche, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', is true. Trust me, when you're in the middle of a night watch, in the middle of the ocean, you will think about and mentally fornicate with all your exs, and your currents, and your futures.

I don't believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder. I'm more a believer that "Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires." In my experience, trust and technology make the time apart easy, it's having your partner clinging onto you when you return so that you have to prise them off with a crowbar to go to the toilet that's a challenge!

[Frenchy]

Having been with my partner for ten years I can tell you that the relationship is much better now I work at sea than it ever was before. We really value the time we do spend together and as everyone else above has mentioned, comms are much better these days and so it makes being apart much easier. Plus the decent leave periods and substantial pay packet keep her happy.

[size4riggerboots]

it's having your partner clinging onto you when you return so that you have to prise them off with a crowbar to go to the toilet that's a challenge!

Hahahaha! So I'm not the only one to have experienced that!