What do you pay in keep when you are at home?

[Hatchorder]

So, you pay over ?100 a week for your lodgings at college/Uni. But do you pay your dear old mum, who probably does a lot more for you than the college does, when you are home on leave?

If so - how much? When I was a cadet I paid my mum a small amount. When I got promoted to 3rd Officer I paid her more, when I got to Second Officer I forgot to tell her how much my pay rise was.

She caught sight of a payslip and doubled my "rent". Despite protesting I remember my mum saying "If you can find full board and lodging for ?xx a week, including laundry, then come and tell me and I'll move in there with you........ No arguement against that was there? (I really cannot remember what I was paying as it was the early 80's, but I do remember my first months wages as cadet was ?175.)

Would prefer people to post anonymously as you can then speak freely. How much you pay must depend on what you earn so it would be a good idea to say if you are qualified or not, or what phase you are on and a rough idea of whether you get paid whilst you are at college or not.

If you have not yet thought about it what do you think you should pay, or what would you be happy with?

I'll start the ball rolling, I think you should pay half of what the college charges per week if you get a training allowance year round... How does that sound?

Ian

[Steve]

I don't think you should charge your son any 'rent' when he's home on leave. Do you really need the money more than him?

[Hatchorder]

I don't think you should charge your son any 'rent' when he's home on leave. Do you really need the money more than him?

It's got nothing to do with needing the money Steve. Trust me.

[Steve]

If it's about teaching him a lesson, quietly invest your rent takings in an account for his future - something to help him move out ASAP!

[Hatchorder]

If it's about teaching him a lesson, quietly invest your rent takings in an account for his future - something to help him move out ASAP!

Steve, I did not ask for investment advice from you or anyone, and I certainly do not need advice on teaching him lessons! I asked a question and did not make it personal. You have no idea about me or my circumstances but I believe you have read my posts and know I run my own business. I have not even said I am even going to charge him. He already has very healthy circumstances but I am not willing to discuss that in public.

I asked if other people were paying and / or what they thought was fair, whether during their cadetship or afterwards.

Don't personalise this to me.

[Steve]

OK,

I think a child should only be expected to contribute if the family circumstances demand it, but if they don't, the child should be cut loose to fend for themselves at the earliest opportunity. The parent's obligation is to set up their child for as successful a start in life as their circumstances allow, essentially subsidising them as necessary until they are capable of becoming self-sufficient, to the extent that family finances allow for such subsidy.

Or to put it another way, if the child's income is required to help support the family unit then it is reasonable for them to stay at home making that contribution, but if it is not required they should make their own way and stand on their own finances as soon as practicable.

Fair?

So how much should a child pay in 'rent' or family contributions? Entirely down to family circumstances and variable from continuing to receive a subsidy to as large a contribution as they can afford. Everyone's circumstances are different and I certainly wouldn't put a dollar or proportionate value on it.

[alistairuk]

My situation / opinion is along the lines of Steve (I assume);

Neither myself nor my sister have paid "rent" or "dig money" to parents - we have both offered and been turned down several times. My parents gave the following reason / logic;

We have both had jobs since we were 16 and neither of us have asked them for much since then (even when at University we both worked & since being Scottish we didn't pay tuition fees, parents didn't pay anything towards that).

My parents are in a situation where they earn far more than ourselves put together (even though I now work at sea and sister works for an airline) and have said since both of us save our money up ourselves anyway - they would rather we did that - as if they did take rent (as steve said above) they would only put it in an account and give it to us when we moved into our own place. [Incidentally we're both in our mid-late twenties]

That said, most people seem to contribute between ?40 - ?100 per week to parents when at home - although I'm not alone in having parents who don't want anything (from having asked some of my fellow officers).

Personally; I do my own laundry / the laundry when home, I randomly cook dinner, I help in the garden, I go shopping for the food etc & I do the housework as does my sister randomly - I feel if your helping out around the home and the family doesn't need the income (for lack of a better phrase), then if you are contributing it should be a small amount.

[Hatchorder]

Or to put it another way, if the child's income is required to help support the family unit then it is reasonable for them to stay at home making that contribution, but if it is not required they should make their own way and stand on their own finances as soon as practicable.

Normally I would agree if a child was working full time in one place, but as these guys are away at sea for between 6 and 8 months a year if they are not at college then owning or renting a house seems like a waste of money to me. I was 2nd Officer, 24 and still living at home, not because I was tight but it just seemed pointless buying or renting only to leave it empty 8 months of the year.

My daughter will not be going to sea, but will probably be moving around every few years, so it is likely she will be renting to start with once she qualifies. However, my son is likely to be living with us for the next 7 years at least as he intends to do his mates/masters as soon as he can (providing he qualifies in the first instant) because he already has the funds to do it and it makes sense for him to be an "early bird" and get all the expense out the way before he settles down.

I also believe it is more difficult for youngsters to buy these days so I would think they will live at home for longer. On the radio the other day it was saying that the average age for first time buyers in london is now 42 or 43 and the rest of the UK is 37 or 38.

I think the only way we will get rid of the kids in the next 8 years will be to move whan they are both away for a week, but in the meantime I disagree with rent free living when they are earning a reasonable amount.

[Hatchorder]

Alistair,

I think the big thing there is you offered and you help and contribute in other ways. I also think that your parents can see you saving and that makes a huge difference as well.

mid late 20's huh?

Need to modify our expectations on DFOK (Date free of kids)! lol.

[Bulman]

My parents have never charged me rent but like Alistair, I had a job at 16 and was earning/paying for my own things, did ask them from time to time for money but always paid it back and never ever got any "pocket Money" or "allowance" at any age, My brothers all went to uni at 18. this means I am the only one who's stayed after the age of 18 and there was a debate if i should pay rent.
At the moment I do not pay any thing towards stuff, but I mostly do my own cooking, laundry etc so I probably should help pay for bill's and internet but I pay them back in other ways like doing them favours, jobs around the house and if theirs something going cheap at the supermarket I work at I buy it us as a treat :P

While I'm at sea/college I'm not expecting to pay any thing as my brothers didnt while at uni (i know different situation, but same difference), but if I move back then I think I will pay some rent/board but only for the stuff I'm using like internet, electricity and gas. But I'm also hoping that on my leave I don't have to spend to much time with the Parents. I know i sound tight saying this but i know my parents in the long run would of spent loads on me bringing me up to the age of 19, but when having a kid you kind of a agree to that and shouldn't expect them to pay you back money wise, but in other things, like ill be making sure i get them really nice presents

[alistairuk]

mid late 20's huh?

Need to modify our expectations on DFOK (Date free of kids)! lol.

Lol... In my defence - I am only home for 3 - 4 months of the year (at the moment) so its pretty pointless having my own place! If i'm home a bit more of the year then I would probably consider getting a flat - but my parents house is big enough I can hide for the couple of weeks I'm home at a time

[GuinnessMan]

When I worked in the same country as my folks and lived at home I gave them 50% of my wage each month. When it came to "allowances/pocket money" in our house, UN negotiators have nothing on us as it was always an long and intense negotiation on what we would do to get even ?1 out of my father (and it usually involved me fixing car or boat engines). When I went on leave from the ships during college I didnt pay anything as I wasn't earning that much and needed to save as much as I could.

When it comes to buying somewhere to live, I'm in no great rush. I don't know how long I will remain where I am for and there is talk that if Scotland goes independent we would have to move elsewhere anyways, so I'm not holding my breath.

Whilst my parents are happy to be FOK, they have now gone and replaced us with two Black Labs. My father did point out that they're usually more enthusiastic to see him than we ever were....

[ETwhat?]

having already done the whole 20's working at sea i've never directly paid my parents rent, even when earning a decent salary. there were other things that i would do but that wasnt in any way expected. In the summer i frequently would also feck off to scotland in the yacht for my leave but then its down to personal situations.

As for qualified officers living at home i would only consider doing it if it was to help build a deposit for buying faster so paying any rent would be a no aswell. at that stage if my folks couldnt afforc the slight increase in bills that hving me living at home would bring i would probably be out renting anyway, theres no point earning a 20-30k salary and having to live where 30 quid a week is a push.

[waverider]

I pay ?35 a week when I'm at home!

[Hatchorder]

I pay ?35 a week when I'm at home!

Thank you for your input. I realise that this maybe tokenism on behalf of your parents (I know that my son consumes that in snacks and hot water in the shower in a week) but it is nice to see that you have an arrangement. Can you tell me, do you think that is high, just right or are you robbing your parents? (Providing they don't read this of course, in which case it is far too high!)

Ian